Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Produced By Cameron McKirdy

Survival Bros decided to help a previously abandoned shelter pup out, and take him for a walk around Lake Sacajawea in Longview, Washington today.  Charlie spends way too much time in his concrete kennel, and was aching for attention, and exercise. The shelter is completely full of dogs right now, and would like to get some adopted out immediately.  Stop by or give them a ring if you need a buddy.

charlie

 When we got to The Humane Society of Cowlitz County they asked if we would release a wild, rescued duck too.  I’m a University of Oregon Duck, so of course I helped out.  We put the female in a crate, and drove to it’s home on the water.  She followed us for a ways down the path, but eventually settled in, and got regrouped.  All in a good days work.

I’ve meet most of the famous people that have influenced my life in a positive way, and it’s not by accident.  For the first time ever, I’m divulging my tactics on how to meet celebrities, including artists, athletes, and other inspirational, culturally significant folks.  You may say, “hey Cam, what’s this got to do with SURVIVAL?”  Well, I believe meeting legends improves you as a person, and at the end of the day, all you can hope for is that you are better than the day before.

I think I got hooked on approaching stars in my childhood, when I stalked Portland Trail Blazer players after games with my dad.  They’d be gingerly strolling to their luxury cars, and I’d go in for the kill.  I offered them a basketball to sign with my Sharpie.  Any good autograph seeker knows to bring their own fresh permanent pen.  Nothing is worse that standing in front of your hero trying to bum a pen for a signature.  I caught up to Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, Terry Porter, Buck Williams, and the rest of the old school Blazers.  I remember weaseling close enough to the locker room entrance too, so that I could high five all the players as they ran out on the court.  After that, I didn’t wash my hand for a week.  My mom made me in the end.

I learned as a kid how to approach cool people.  First I would say something like, “Hey, I’m a big fan.  I just wanted to say hi, and ask for you autograph.”  They usually obliged, but I’ve had more than my fair share of epic snubs.  More on that in a second.  Basically, if you see a celebrity, be chill like them.  I offer up a compliment, but don’t go overboard.  Plus, I tell them something about myself, that they can relate to.  I find common ground.  For instance, when I went up to UFC star Chael Sonnen at an amateur MMA event, I shook his hand and told him I was also an Oregon Duck.  Then I mentioned being a ring announcer for mixed martial arts fights in Seaside, Oregon.  I told him maybe I would announce his name one day in the octagon.  I had his attention, and he was happy to pose for a picture, and sign an autograph for me.  I have more autographs than a memorabilia dealer.  Meeting athletes is easy.  Catch them before or after the event, and be polite.

I’ve been snubbed by stars too.  Jack Nickalus passed me by.  Arnold Palmer told me he had signed enough autographs that day.  But the biggest snub of all-time comes from the punk Greg Oden.  This Blazer washout walked by me on Burnside in Portland, while I was talking on my phone.  I hung up, and casually approached him while waiting for a crosswalk light to change.  We were the only ones on the block.  I said, “hey Greg, I’m a big fan (lie), and I just wanted to say hi and shake your hand.”  Greg Oden looked me up and down, and then looked away, not saying a word.  I backed up slowly proclaiming, “Greg Oden just snubbed me!”  Then I yelled for all of PDX to hear, “Greg Oden is too good for the world!!!”  The realest thing I’ve ever said.  I told that story on my radio show on the Oregon Coast.  I still plan to burn his basketball card on camera.  It will never be worth anything. 

Most celebs aren’t goons, so don’t be afraid to go up to them.  One of my favorite encounters was when I slept on the street in Los Angeles to have a chance as a contestant on The Price is Right.  I went during spring break right after I turned 18.  It took 14 hours of waiting in line before I stormed CBS Studios and sat front row, one seat over from Contestant’s Row.  I didn’t play any pricing games that day, but I did have a long conversation with Bob Barker himself.  He towered over me, high on the stage.  During a commercial break I had the courage to raise my hand and ask him a question, but not a stupid one.  I’m sure he’d been asked during every damn taping about when he is doing Happy Gilmore 2.  I could tell Bob was sick of that comment, so I buttered him up like hot corn on the cob.  He read my price tag name tag, “Yes Cameron.”  I said, “Bob, after all these years, how do you look so good, and stay so fit?”  Perfectly executed.  He rambled for 5 minutes about his days in the military, and training, and so on, then went back to the show.  However, to my surprise, when he was way across the stage during the next break he said, “anyways Cameron, back to your question.”  I still have that yellow price tag sticker with my name on it.

I could go on all day about the well-known people I’ve met.  Mainly, you just need to be on the lookout.  Get very familiar with the faces of people you appreciate.  Be ready to approach, and try to know their schedule.  When I worked at the mall running a kiosk, I had mini football helmets stocked, so I could throw up my back in whenever I feel like it sign, and get that autograph.  This was in Eugene, and athletes from Oregon and around the country shopped there.  I even had one foot by one foot sections of hardwood floor on standby for basketballers to sign.  I remember bothering U of O sensation Luke Jackson for an autograph when I finally hunted him down in Macy’s.  He said, “what do you just carry pieces of wood around?”  I said yes, but he scribbled on one anyway.  I met comedian Carlos Mencia in the mall too, and Steve “The Crocodile Hunter” Irwin’s family.  My picture with Bindi Irwin is classic.

This is getting long, but the point is that you can meet influential people too.  Have guts, be ready, and meet them with confidence.  Gifts don’t hurt either.  I once went to legendary Air Jordan shoe designer Tinker Hatfield’s pad with a house warming gift.  I crashed his party, but he invited me in anyways.  I gave him the best ceramic vase I’d ever made.  He put it on his mantle, and gave me a 45 minute tour.  Just goes to show you that if you appreciate others, they will appreciate you.  I can’t imagine the person I’d be if I hadn’t met the people that inspire me to go hard.  The World is yours.  Don’t let anybody bring you down.  Meeting famous people is your God given right.

Meeting Famous PeopleFrom top left: Cameron McKirdy with Haloti Ngata (NFL), Joey Chestnut (#1 Pro Eater), Aston Eaton (#1 athlete on Earth), Bindi Irwin (Freed Willy), Chael Sonnen (UFC), Badlands Booker (rapper, competitive eating champion), Joey Harrington (Oregon Duck QB), Erick Lindgren (#1 poker player in the world), Terrell Brandon (NBA All-star)

Produced by Cameron McKirdy

My dad and I just got back to the Oregon Coast, after a 4 day trip playing on the McKenzie River and the trail. First we geared up, and hit the rapids with the Oregon Whitewater Association. A group of 70 extreme outdoor enthusiasts floated 14 miles down the river. The water was brutally cold, at only 47 degrees. I fell off our cataraft for the first time after we smashed into a log along the bank. I didn’t have time to be fearful. I was just trying to catch my breath from the shock of the water, and keep my legs up as I floated down. Of course, I had a class 3 life jacket on. I swam to the back of the boat, but didn’t like being where I couldn’t see the rocks ahead of me. Plus, I didn’t want to get trapped under the massive military grade raft. So I separated from the craft, and tried to swim to shore, but the water was moving too fast, and nobody there could help me. I swam to the side of the raft, and was barely able to climb back on. I had to quickly jump off the river bottom to boost myself up. I was fatigued, and just wanted to sit down and assess my injuries. I hit my knee on a rock, and bloodied by shin up. I was only in the river for a few minutes, but it wouldn’t have been long before my body started shutting down, and hypothermia set in. It was intense.

I had my iPhone 4S in my pocket with a LifeProof case on when I went overboard. It worked. No water got in thankfully. In my other pocket I was carrying the new Coast DX335 rescue knife. It stayed clipped on, but luckily I didn’t have to use it. You’d be surprised how many people die on the river getting tangled in ropes. Below is a funny clip I took with the LifeProof case on my cell. It took great video, and you can hear my dad yelling at me to put it away. He thought it was going to get splashed, or fall in as we hit the drop in the rapids. Also below is an HD video review of the Coast Products knife. I will update this blog as I get media online. I used my GoPro Hero 3 Black camera to record my treacherous mountain bike ride down the McKenzie River Trail. That will be up soon. Thanks for visiting Survival Bros. Follow us on Twitter, Youtube, and join the community on Facebook. Peace.

 

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The McKirdy Bros Professionally Eating Ribs

The McKirdy Bros Professionally Eating Ribs

Times are tough, for many people this isn’t the first time they’ve struggled to make ends meet. I’d like to humbly share a time in my life my frugality took a dark but interesting turn. It was 2008 and I was a student at the University of Oregon. My major was international studies and so, in a way I was honing my skills for a life of financial hardship. I was “in between jobs” as they say, and while I had saved enough money to still afford rent, my savings were diminishing fast. Food was expensive. I had contributed to society, paid my taxes for long enough for me to feel less guilty about what I was scheming. I looked to the homeless for inspiration and I found none. “They are doing it all wrong” I said to myself.
 
I had long been a fan of free food so I started brainstorming of all the past places food was a plenty. Buffets. Breakfast buffets. Continental breakfasts. The Holiday Inn Express was closest to my house, so that’s where I first walked in as confidently as possible, to a hotel I’ve never been in before. Oatmeal. Apples. Oranges. Muffins. It was a beautiful display of food not meant for me, which made it even more exciting. I had my backpack on me because my Spanish class was in a half an hour. I ate what I could, and opened my bag to shove a bundle of bananas in. I took an extra muffin for my friend because he was broke like me, and as it turns out I’m very generous with other people’s food. This went on for a while. So long that I started to rank the hotels. Phoenix Inn had apple juice and hot chocolate so I gave it a B+. But breakfast was only one meal out of the suggested 3 a day. I had started noticing official University of Oregon food golf carts zipping around campus. I was lucky enough to have experienced this before at catered public events and so I knew they had the goods. One day in between classes I saw a green cart zip right in front of me and if it were possible I would have jumped right on the back and followed it to wherever it was going, but I had to be more inconspicuous. So, I ran. Calmly. Like I was late for a class across campus. Finally the cart stopped in front of the law building. Taking from future lawyers was alright by me. I wasn’t stealing. I was taking something being offered just not to me. Oh was it delicious. The pasta was seasoned and covered in feta cheese and oil. I was in heaven. The breakfasts and occasional catered meal kept me for only so long. I did some grocery shopping rather often to buy my bulk items of hummus, rice, beans and oats. Cheap nutritious foods. I was at Whole Foods when I noticed a bread man checking the dates of each loaf and then collecting the ones that were about to expire. I striked up a  conversation and he told me that he could give me some just not in the store. He told me to meet him out back. A couple of minutes later he was noticeably more casual with me. He didn’t care about the bread. So I took all that I could. Six loaves of organic whole wheat bread. It only lasted me a few days. 
 
Turns out he gave the rest to the Eugene food pantry, but they always had plenty of bread from other donations besides his company. I looked into the pantry and I qualified. I rode my bike to the pantry, and again only had my backpack. They told me to go outside and they would bring me my food allowance. They rolled out a two level push cart full of canned foods, cold milk and other dairy products including a very cheap pint of chocolate ice cream. I could only carry about a quarter of what I was alloted. I wouldn’t have eaten most of the other stuff any way because it was full of MSG, salt and I knew it would taste awful. 

Eventually I was able to get a job and save up some money so I didn’t have to go to all the trouble, but I had a good run. Without all the ways I found to get free food I am sure I would have started charging groceries on a credit card. I hope I don’t have to do it again, but it is nice to know that sometimes beggars can be choosers if you’re smart enough. I am very thankful for each and every free bite to this day. 

Andrew McKirdy

Andrew Scoring Free Organic Bread

Andrew Scoring Free Organic Bread

Nothing is more precious than a child. That’s why babysitting is so important. I recently watched three girls. They tried to break me. I regulated. Everybody came out better.

First off, babies are out of control. They get into everything. You really can’t babyproof a house, because they can climb anything like King Kong. They do as much damage too. The two younger girls I watched are 18 months, and three years old! They usually don’t play together, so I’m always running down one of them. I’ve never drank so much coffee, and been so exhausted.

Kids are tornados. I’ve been blasted with Cheerios, toys, and gale force sneezes. The baby is always squirting something out. She is almost potty trained though. Her sisters are helping her figure it out. And for the record, I’m not afraid to change a diaper. Every prepper should check that off their to do list!

I’ve found rugrats typically need activities like drawing or reading. This stimulates their mind, and they will make less messes for you. It’s also good to tell them NO! And let them cry. I can’t cater to everything they want. When kids are fussy, they seem just frustrated or tired. Naps are your best friend.

It’s also crucial to teach them while playing. They don’t even know they’re learning while playing games. We go over things like colors, names, and numbers. The squirts love to learn words and repeat what I say. They are sponges. That’s why they can only watch so much TV. I’d rather they play then zone out.

Finally, but maybe most important, it’s key to make the kids feel safe and nurtured. I’m always smiling around them, and ready to play. The infant always says, “tickle me!” She is so funny. The children play all types of games naturally. Being around them has made me more childlike, which is great. SURVIVAL BROS invites you to inspire a kid. Spend time around them. You can learn from them as you teach.

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Baby yoga time with Cam. We also did push-ups.

Dear Survival Journal,

What a week! I’ve been everywhere, and I got there by bike or foot. I often laugh at slobs in cars. If only they could remember how to walk. Vehicles are for lazy people. I’m glad I bike. I have two bicycles operational right now. I get them tuned up every once in awhile, but they are still way cheaper to own than a car.

I was taking my friend’s dog for a walk this morning, when he started eating poop! No dog, you are suppose to go #2, not eat it. Puppies. I was trying to get him to stop, and get back in the house when I stepped in dog crap with my Vibram toe shoes on. The mutt missed a pile. I was dreading this day. I knew I’d step in poo, or crush a giant slug on accident one day. I’m rethinking wearing Vibrams outdoors now. Gross times ten! I will spare you further details, but I was not a happy camper. Luckily I had a change of shoes nearby. Now I’m trying to forget that happened.

I ate so good yesterday. I wasn’t feeling myself, so I made sure to take all my vitamins, and refuel with superfoods. I made two power smoothies with raw whey, raw rice protein, maca, raw chocolate, spinach, blueberries, and vanilla hemp milk. I also trekked to the store for spring water, which I promptly pounded. I had a buzz off all the different superfoods, and vitamins. I would have felt even better if I juiced. Maybe today.

I’ve been hustling so hard, they are about to name a street after me. I’m not rich, but I get money. I’m starting to think rich people are the lower class. They look down on the poor, and use them. I’m so happy to be blue collar, and not some spoiled, weakling that has never earned his kill. I’m on the streets, and in the woods, working on my skills, and my body. Rich people don’t work. They shop. Shop for things that make them smell good, or look better, when they are actually scum. My DNA thanks me for not being pampered. Poor people are much stronger than the rich. If I ever made it big, I’d give my wealth away.

It’s getting so cold out at night! I’m still in a tent. I really don’t care where I sleep anymore. The other night I had to wear clothes, and my jacket, while in my sleeping bag, just to make it through the night. However, it’s kind of fun, and challenging to find a new place to crash every night. When I’m couch surfing, I feel like it’s too easy. Like I’m royalty or something. I don’t know when I will get an apartment again. I could survive an Oregon winter in the wilderness. My home is the Wild Wild West.

More soon. Time to make paper, and turn it into food and silver. It’s a great day to get outside, in the wild, where I belong. Forget technology.

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by Cameron McKirdy

Today was glorious. I hosted the 3rd annual Seaside Oregon Eating Championship at Broadway Park for charity. We had both an adult, and kid eating contest featuring Subway footlong sandwiches. History was made.

Broadway park is awesome. It’s changed a lot since I’ve lived in Seaside. We got a new baseball and football field, and a jungle gym for kids to exercise on. Plus, we have a dope skate park. There’s even a basketball court, bathrooms, and an under cover picnic area near the river. It’s the heart of this coastal community.

I love hosting the eating contest each year. I’m a pro eater, so it’s great to watch the local talent develop, and appreciate the sport. It’s a pleasure to host it for charity, and support the Sunset Empire Parks and Recreation Department. This year the kids winner was the first to eat a footlong. One kid was cheating and fake puking his sub in the trash. He ended up with a generous 2nd place title. The adults had to mow 2 footlongs! Hardcore. A local ringer won again this year. Next year I’m putting down the mic and taking the championship.

Eating healthy is essential. Chewing is good too. Even though I host eating contests, proper nutrition is always on my mind. Eating a balanced diet and staying hydrated is key. Please don’t try competitive eating at home. You’ll end up bitting a finger off, or using pets for training food. The lesson here is to have fun, stay active, and eat all the good stuff you can. And support your local parks too! Peace.

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Here’s my video footage of the contest!  Funny stuff.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-_aTVaOLiQ

(Survival Bros) It may be too late for you. Real-life zombies are everywhere man. This blog will help YOU figure out if you’re undead, or already on your way to becoming a zombie!!!

You’ve seen them on the streets. People with no spatial awareness. They’re in their own world. You could run butt naked in the streets and they wouldn’t notice, or ask for your number. Don’t take it personal my friend. They are self-absorbed puppets of the system. Consumers. Not producers. These zombies don’t contribute a damn thing to society. Here’s 10 warning signs that may suggest you’re already living dead.

1. You have hundreds of friends online, but nobody to actually get your back. Smile more?
2. You watch hours of TV every day, and repeat what you’ve seen and heard to people, even if it’s irrelevant in your life.
3. You drink water with fluoride added.
4. You play video games all the time. You like to simulate death and destruction. Survival Bros approves Tetris for all ages.
5. You live off others, or the government. You are not self-sufficient.
6. You believe what authorities say, jump through all the B.S. hoops, and root for the sports team with all your heart.
7. Every line you use is from some dumb Hollywood movie. You’re great at impressions. Do you.
8. You’re addicted to your phone. It’s become a distraction, deluding reality.
9. You eat fast food often, and buy GMO groceries over organic produce. Plus, you don’t read the back of the packaging.
10. You look and sound like everyone else. You’re good at fitting in.

Take back the power in your life by examining your choices. Sometimes we give away too much of our personal power to uphold the status quo. Maybe you are worried about what your friends or family will think of you if you make major life changes. Don’t worry!

You will find yourself. Avoid becoming a zombie by learning their pitfalls. Stay in the moment, and focus your awareness on the positive.

Wake up! The World is changing fast. Don’t get left behind. Stay up on alternative news and current events. Work with others in your community towards building a brighter future. Humanity is counting on you to fill your mind with goodness. Peace and love bros and sisters.

– Cameron McKirdy

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Photo source

What does entertainer Bill Hicks have to do with surviving? Everything. Survival and comedy is about observation and adaptation. You have to think for yourself, and question authority. Bill embodied awareness, and made light of the darkness. In short, Hicks made the world a better place. Learn from him. We must survive AND thrive in the nightmare of 1984. Survival Bros will use Art and comedy to do both. Peace and love. – Cameron McKirdy

Patriotic Stand Up Comedian Bill Hicks

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
 
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
 
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
 
Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.– Bill Hicks

 
Discover more about Bill at www.billhicks.com